A story about a man and his sign.
Ah Hamburg Township. 36 square miles of semi-rural heaven with a proud history of not allowing Germans to vote unless a decision needs to be made and the non-Germans are deadlocked. No, really. How do you think it got the name Hamburg?
Well Hamburg Township is tucked in to the ass end of Livingston County, which is that place that puts up the billboards on US23 bragging about how the Republicans have kept the bond ratings high, the taxes low, and the women barefoot. Hamburg Township looks nice enough from the sky but apparently they keep the place beautiful by making sure there ain’t no Democrat signs ’round them parts.
So what’s a Hamburg Township Democrat to do when his yard signs keep getting stolen or vandalized?
Only go out and get the best sign ever!!!!!!
“Steal this yard sign assholes”
And this sign is WAY better than those little ones that get stolen …..
The sign is actually a 160″ outdoor screen, displaying video projected from a camera that is housed in a camper at the side of the road. It’s owned by Sean Heiney, who has it placed in his yard on Winans Lake Rd. In less than a week vandals had knocked it over and broken one of the beams. Sean initiated counter-measures.
“now with pan tilt night vision cam, hillbillies”
And then the township government sent in the big guns:
“Hello Sean my name is Pat Hagman, I’m with Hamburg Township. Just trying to get in touch with you regarding projector screen. And it’s causing quite a bit of havoc, in terms of the distraction that it’s causing for traffic. It does raise some concerns, I’d like to speak with you about it. I do understand your right for having a political sign in your yard, but I do have some concerns for safety. Because there is some movement on that sign, it’s not static. So please give me a call, I don’t want to see anybody get hurt or any accidents. You can reach me at 810-231-1000 extension 221. And I really would appreciate some cooperation on this if you wouldn’t mind. So thank you very much for giving me a call back. Have a nice day.”
You can read the transcript, but to get the feel of it you should listen to the audio. It’s only a minute.
At this point I started looking for the Hamburg Township sign ordinance, which I could not find. There is a reference to it being amended, but this message came in before I ever found the actual ordinance:
We only have a few days left before the election. I doubt that anything will happen now, but how much you wanna bet they write a “Sean Ordinance” before next year?
Oh, and one more thing:
Because goddammit if you’re going to put up a Democratic sign in a town that hates Democrats, you do that shit in style.