One Merry Year in Michigan: Twas the Nerd Who Stole Christmas Version

The State of Michigan goes through a long year into a Holiday Season in which Governor Rick Snyder and Michigan Republicans do their very best attempting steal away as much joy for themselves and their cronies, Grinch style. But hope here is still strong, and most (True Michigan) liberal hearts are certainly not “two sizes too small”, not even close, no way, not at all.

—–

Twas the night before Christmas and all through Nerd’s house,
Not a snifter was empty, dry champagne they all soused.
What a year it has been” the Nerd smiled and proclaimed,
Seeing how Michigan by the Republicans is reclaimed.”

The Nerd said he was different, no group would he slander,
We have the same name, it’s Michigander”.
Standing with his Republican friends, filled with confident glee,
We’ll reinvent your state, just wait, you’ll see.”

With a dash and a dart began the Nerd’s relentless pursuit,
Serving favors to a few, those in slick business suits.
To dusty piles of pre-written bills they all flew,
The libertarians and profiteers, well, they knew just what to do.

Michigan leaders in business got their favors first,
Cut our taxes now” they said, “They can’t get much worse”.
From Mackinac and ALEC the legislation cranked out,
And the billions now flow into their private account.

Bipartisanship promises were received when spoken,
A Democrat appointed here and there, if just a mere token.
But the Tea Party had plans of their own they had made,
So some sort of reason and civility would soon fade.

But bailing out business (thru tax cuts) was an expensive affair,
So they shredded more public services without even a care.
Still not enough, they raided for Education Fund bullion,
Stabbing and slashing to steal nearly a Billion.

They taxed pensions, cut benefits and twice unemployment,
Even closed tiny playgrounds kids used for enjoyment.
From the poor they took more taxes, and even added fees to get money,
Soon the Catholics agreedHey wait, that’s not funny.”

The Nerd’s few promises once made, were forgotten,
And as his policies grew, people found they were rotten.
I’m just a Nerd” cried the Gov in his CEO’s role,
You can’t blame me anyway if things spin out of control”.

So all was not well in the land of Great Lakes,
The white Winter Wonderland, with fluffy snowflakes.
Upon all these things the people finally reflected,
And realized their worst error was the “Nerd” they’d elected.

The people formed committees and petitions were penciled,
On thousands of signs their slogans were stenciled.
They stomped and they shouted, with a howl and guffaw,
Snyder’s really bad news. We say RECALL!”

Across Michigan people shouted “Progress, Forward, Rise and Awake!”
“Please support us, we are the people for Pete’s sake.”
Then things settled down awhile and Obama made a visit,
Labor parades made their way, and Aretha proved she’s still with it.

From Zuccotti to Oakland, young eyes sparkled and hands twinkled,
Human ‘mics’ echoed words, and on 99% heads rains sprinkled.
In Detroit’s Circus Park too they squatted and camped,
Consensuses reached, their unchanged undies were damped.

Nerd’s paid partisans pushed this thing and that thing a pox in both Houses,
For bikers without helmets and non-ergonomic mouses,
For pledging allegiance under bare bulbs of 100 watts,
But they also got Nerd’s bridge deal all tied up into knots.

It’s free markets and cheap labor” the GOP said “we will applaud”,
And since unions are ‘old-fashioned’, they should be simply outlawed.”
So workers assembled in any public place are sure to be stopped,
And all jobs with collective bargaining or safe conditions Hassan-chopped.

Republicans and pundits declared all union members thugs,
Including school teachers with their “I Love My Teacher” mugs.
It’s Unions” they screamed that will “bankrupt the State!”
It’s them, not us, you really should hate!”

Within city walls and in school halls, great emergencies appeared,
Sorry, but you’re under new management” the Nerd’s men all sneered.
The EM tale spread far and wide on Maddow, Colbert and Schultz,
Mostly because it effected half of minorities, and all those Dem votes.

All spring into summer oodles of issues became such a clatter,
The Nerd scratched his head thinking, “Gee whiz, what’s the matter?”
These changes are necessary” became his frequent retort,
All matters will be justified in our next annual reports.”

Top-pay consultants, more accountants and insiders were ‘hired’,
Despite loud voices outside who cried “You’re fired!”
They collected metrics and made dashboards with data,
And all types of fancy charts with tons of errata.

The Nerd believed finding solutions would be simple,
By benchmarking it all and leveraging whiz kids with a pimple.
My, my folks can’t you just open your ears,
I can fix Michigan in just twenty-eight dog years
.”

So that was the first fun-filled (in)human(e) year of the Nerd,
At least he won’t seek a second term, or so we all heard.
This story is at an end and perhaps still unclear,
For that we are sorry, but Merry Christmas anyway,
And have a Happy New Year!

As always permission granted by the authors to post where you see fit.

Sources of Inspiration: The Grinch Who Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss (1957) and A Visit from St. Nicholas (or ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas’) by Clement Clarke Moore (1823).

RELATED: Gov Rick Snyder Sellout? Prefabricated Corporate Michigan (Government) Courtesy of Koch & ALEC Exclusive

Note: The LINKS provided are a representative list of sort of a “Best of” articles and postings used by Solon Street in 2011. Special Thank You to Solon Street contributors throughout this unbelievably busy year. And to say the least, only Dr. Seuss, can write sloshed at a feast of Seuss juice and roast beast.

Cross-posted at DailyKos.

It is a crime for a citizen to shrink from service to one's society. Contact thru Kos or DU messaging.
Hector Solon
View all posts by Hector Solon   
Website   

Comments

  1. Well done, sir.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] One Merry Year in Michigan: Twas the Nerd Who Stole Christmas …Dec 22, 2010 … Note: the following was adopted from the original: ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas ‘Twas the night before football in old Jacksonville, … [...]

Speak Your Mind

*