Phobe McBigot: Double the hatred, half the intellect.
After months of intense study, the BFM crack investigative team can finally reveal that term-limited State Representative Dave Agema is secretly the evil-doing Phobe McBigot. A cruel and hateful Legion of Gloom minion, McBigot’s only joy is in causing harm to people who are different from him.*
Why does Phobe McBigot hate you? Our investigators are still unsure of the cause of McBigot’s bigotry. However we can say with certainty that he uses his own reflection as a litmus test for potential victims. BFM has witnessed this and the process is as follows:
- McBigot unleashes his secret weapon, the oval mirror. He casts his own reflection and gazes upon it. And smiles.
- McBigot compares the appearance of the unsuspecting potential victim to his own reflection.
- If the potential victim is outside the +/- margin of error, McBigot consults his ALEC manual for instructions. (rule of thumb: if you are darker than khaki, you are outside the margin of error)
- If the potential victim is within the +/- margin of error, McBigot moves on. This potential victim is not perceived as a threat.
Because the oh-so-hated gays often fall within the margin of error, McBigot targets their habitats rather than their persons. Universities and other places with smart people are all on his list.
Phobe McBigot is currently considering a run for Congress, and he has asked his Legion of Gloom allies to pray for him regarding this decision. We here at BFM hope that you will also pray for the rest of us, who are barely surviving under this reign of Gloom.
Stay tuned to BFM for more awesome reporting like this.
McBigot Trivia:Sources close to McBigot say that when he was young, he attempted a sexual encounter with his same-sex reflection. The shame of reflection’s rejection is said to have caused his white hot homo hatred.**
**Blogging for Michigan investigators have never witnessed Agema/McBigot initiating a sexual encounter with his same-sex reflection. We’re just saying that’s what sources say.